Bad Egg

You were a good egg.
You were waking me up.
"The Awakening."

A Beautiful Thing
this idea of slow.

But our long hugs
were too fast.

And it's bad to take advantage of people.
And That's not how slow works.

Funk.

The pressure is more down here.
I try to be mysterious.
Constant analysis slows slanted conversations.

I have good questions
but I don't care to listen to you.
I feel a certain way.

"You're going to have to let go," I say.
Soon I forget what you look like
And I breathe relief.

My Escape

Hand-write
type
print
sign

My people, hear this:
I love you, goodbye.
I choose me.
You will not miss me when I'm gone.

I couldn't change my heart.
Pilot, copilot.
Escape hatch.
I led the way.

A sad face is good for the heart.
But
How much longer?
The cat is out of the bag.
Tell me, how much?
Patience.

I did not follow.
I led.
I was quickly provoked in spirit
and I led.

Sorry.

On a day of jokes,
I walked through a gate
into the garden of Different
surrounded by friends.

Hedges

Whatever my hand finds to do there,
I will do it.

I foresee tears
I will fail spectacularly
I will feel trapped
Aimless
And I will start a revolution.

I will bring others to the garden and speak well of them.

Good Show

Go ahead, slam the door.
Notice -
that I never did.

You saw it coming:
that one heated decision.

Actions have consequences.
And to one heated decision
there is one cool consequence
Like a slamming door.

Let your no be no
Will I ever know?
I put on a good show.

They thought I loved it
But they prayed anyway
A web
Something big
For something big
For a plan, a will, a use.
A desperation.

I will never know.

(I put on a good show)

Beach

I slept late.

I just noticed you are in my car.

"Get out of my car.
You do not deserve to be in my car."

This I think to many.

Their embraces are rushed,
and they cruise at a single altitude.

I kiss no one who lives monochromatically,

I take no communion with those who are incredibly unattractive.
Let me explain:
beach.
- Because that has to mean something.

Divorce from your ugly.
Walk with me.
Let's go somewhere.

Bridges

threatening eye contact
You like where this is going.

Kiss my head
And blow out a rung on my ladder, which
Worries
my fog fog foggy mind.

I am running into things
like open door frames
and bridges I haven't burnt yet,
and entire ladders I haven't destroyed.

It has been a pleasure working with you,
But I will presently take advantage
of a rash decision

and crazy in love
with my
manic
choice

I will skip the bridges
the ladders

I will now across the great divide
from winter to spring
leaving you behind.

"I could get used to this" you say with your eyes.

But there is now no bridge behind me
and I am used to that already.

Here's to Uncomfortable

These are actually painful, these
Chiropractic backbends
to rescue us

Now good, now bad.

I can't finish my food.
This is like last time.

dork.
I'm sorry it's true.

I reference a song
we both laugh
a good laugh
change of disposition

Here's to small blessings.

Here's to being extremely good-looking,
and to friendly people.

Here's to desperation,
nervous laughter,
and grasping at straws.

Here's to indecisive eye contact
racing thoughts
and mistakes.

We fill in gaps and connect dots.
and sending mixed messages
and dumb texts

You've been there.
I've been there too.
I'm sorry that it's true.
I'm sorry I forgot.

Here's to not actually doing this again.

Trash

If you are a unicorn,

I am a narwhal

swimming in a sea of new blood.

To be horned means to be radiant.

We both are radiant,

but you can’t see.

You just have pictures in your mind.

Just so you know,

you held my hand too tight

and let go

and left me outside the gates.

You didn’t mean to hurt me.

Nobody ever does.

It is beyond words,

the way you see all these things that I’ve done.

I have thrown my pearls before the swine,

and they all turned to devour me.

They break through walls and call me trash.

"Trash."

"Trash."

"Trash."

You are a unicorn.

And I am a narwhal washed in the red ocean.

And I hear your silent words

“Adulteress.”

“Temptress.”

And you think you have done nothing wrong –

But you haven’t even stepped in my ocean.

If I am outside the gates

They are the gates of the wrong city.

I have a gigantic soul.

I am art.

Apart from you I am not condemned.

I do not want to cry.

And I remember that even trash has infinite value.

Sketches

"Come and look at my sketches.

They will help you to hurt yourself."

Technical understanding, but

They are disgusting sketches, really.

Technical adulteress - I am aware of this.

Very aware.

Where to go from here?

I won't stop.

Or fall apart.

I independently close my eyes

to separate

and deny.

Nothing's wrong.

Jars

Check out my list.
Like flies to honey.

Anyone?

Like fireflies in a jar.

Anyone else?

A badge for each flicker at the bottom.

You may now exchange hearts.
Sweetheart,
Beautiful.

A jar of marbles: a quarry;
A jar of hearts: my own hand.

A change of heart, and my hand is still heavy.

"Hold on to that heart of yours"

It's too late.
Too late for all or us.

You may now exchange hearts.

Anyone?