Box

I build my house on the bright, sandy, barren plane of aspiration.
I am young and I demand your respect.

There are bigger fish in the pond
But I am different,
and I sparkle.

I sparkle like my crown,
the one you ignored.
You were looking at my empty pockets.

I am Mary Poppins.
You look at my bag,
and to you it is full of shit.

So I climb out of your box.

It is too small for me anyway.
It covers your head so your ears cannot listen
and your eyes can share no one's vision but your own.

I leave our vision behind and trek to that shiny horizon where the bigger fish don't pick at my scales.

It was never our vision.
It was always yours, and I want none of it.

Your ribbons, your antlers are dull
and you speak to me
as to your child
who hopes for a crown like mine -

But you will look at her pockets
and she will find me on the horizon waiting for her.

I will take her to my land of hopes and dreams and teach her to demand your respect.

Because you are bigger,
But we are different,
And we sparkle.

Reward

Love of money
and love of women.
You shot your pedestal to pieces with your own gun.

It will no longer save you from your adoring visionaries,
from those oblivious ones you direct.

There are two sides to every story,
and dancing has turned to suspicion;
Singing has turned to scandal.

"That's life," you would say as I worshiped your stories.

Your land will not be returned to you until your day of judgment,
when you reap what you sow:
a land rife with hypocrisy will be yours.

Your potholes will deceive you.

We will see your heart and keep our money.

The judged will judge you.

Your family will detach from you like a dog's soul from his suffering body.
Your gun will not protect your body from his resurrected teeth.
It smokes but it no longer brings you power.
40,000 dogs will surround you for every tribe you have deceived.

You weigh your true loves against repentance
as your people weigh your flesh against your glory.

We will tell stories about you.
"That's life," We will say.

You weigh a guilty conscience and an expensive car.
You choose it as your only friend.
It will burn your connections and end your phone calls,
and the two of you will drive in silence over the land you have inherited

Reaping your reward.

Shadows

Letters cast long shadows on this page.
They lengthen and slide off;
they cover me.

I sleep in them.

This page tells my story and I avert my eyes.
I tighten my knees.

Like a dramatic film,
the letters might draw me in and never let me go;
the shadows might follow me
and dig pits for stiff-kneed sleep walkers
such as myself.

I might fall backward as my eyes race past the words
toward the end.

I skate past the chore of failure
impulsive and impatient,
looking for the end

But there is no such ending

Only shadows.

Basket

It was next to normal
But you already had the rope tied around your neck
Nice and neat, like a businessman.
And your business was none of mine,
And our business was none of theirs.

You dropped me a cornucopia of fruit from the tree of knowledge as you pulled yourself out of the fire in a basket.
I burn as you turn.

I mix my ashes in the concrete.
I stir
and stir.

But I already ate all of the fruit you gave me.

I sought your basket
but the rope was gone -
Tied once again around your neck

Cravat.

I rolled my stone away and it found you dozing by the sea
with a lemon in your drink and fruit in your hand.

It found you and it pulled you in -
in where you belong,
to the sea so deep it feels like fire.

And there is no basket to lift you out.

Ask

A world
A complicated web of stagnancy

It must be my fault.
Sometimes I forget to pray.

No matter how I weave my prayers
I do not ask, "Will it ever get better?"

A garble of syllables to be unraveled by the Great One
Syllables to match this web of life

It hurts me to see you hurt.

There will be a time for healing
and a time to rip tangled roots out of the ground and resent their lies.

But I forget to ask.

Chase the Wind

I am full with ideas that will die with me;
I am the wife of vanity and sleeplessness,
and the friend of selfishness.

I look smashing tonight
But you are singly beautiful,
and crush my smashing thoughts.

We chase the wind together.

My shaking hands glue friendships together.
They write stories on acid paper.
They share things which will not last.

Are you gluing things that will last forever?

You wear eternity.
I want to live forever.

Pilots want radio play.
Paintings beg to be seen;
they rot in darkness.

I am falling apart.

You will never fall apart.
Fear of the eternal makes me smile a smile I know you will forget.
My ideas fall apart.

I do not believe in this photo, for it will be forgotten.

But I believe in you.

Freedom Forest

There is freedom in many names.
There is freedom in no names at all.
And there is even freedom in my own.

Names can be stronger than the circumference of a ring

The name of Jesus broke my chains.
The heart of Jesus is on my skin.
It is stronger than a silver cross
or a one-sided conversation.

Freedom grows every day like a tree.

I wish everyone could see the forest I dance through,
the forest of trees that do not need to be cut.

I do not need it
but I wish it.

How are you doing in the forest of trees?

I am lost and free and I know my name.
The trees grow and grow.

Are you free?
Will you talk with my about the path you walk,
and pour out your name into the roots of the forest,
the deeply rooted freedom forest?

What changed?
Where is your approval?
Where is your understanding?
Come celebrate with me.

Bubbles

The bubbles burst and sing a song of jealousy to me,
a song of injustice.
My cup overflows and I let it drip through the cracks in the table.
I leave the room and the bubbles sing into the carpet.

While it lasts, I will love your pride, performance and drunkenness.
Your happiness is more important than injustice.

I am ashamed.
I am normal in my own way.
I do not invade privacy,
I pay attention,
And I receive none in return.

Old people like me.
They warm to me.
They never fall through the cracks like wine and songs.
Old folks make time for those without pride.

The canvases stretch into infinity and into the past.
They are controlled and they control me -
So I push them into the cracks, too.

They don't fit.  There are too many.

So I leave the room.

And while it lasts, I will love your falsehoods, your pride, performance and drunkenness,
Because your happiness is more valuable than injustice.

But I will always leave early.

Mercy & Honor

I have a gift
but I still can't see you.
Cataracts.
We can't see you.

I know someone who can.
He is an outsider like you and he says that you will not be okay.

Do I keep my pen until it is done fading?
I grow impatient and throw it away.

Peaches
Fruit gets soft
I look away and throw it on the ground to get crushed by a car.
A coup de grace; salvation from mealy fruit.

Salvation from an old dog.

Mercy killings,
Honor killings.

Same.
Run in front of a car and receive grace instead of hatred.

The cat singing my praises needs to die.
Perhaps he wants to die.
He longs for attention,
Epicentric attention.

One day I will let him out into the wilderness and never let him back in.
No grace.
I will have stolen my peace back.

Except maybe it never belonged to either of us.

I thought I would never want anything to die
But now I feed poison to the forests underground,
to the ancient buried forests.

Now I have a cemetery of twenty-seven cats who wanted to come back.
They didn't understand
so I let the trash take itself out
live in cardboard boxes
and die.

A coup de grace

A mercy killing
An honor killing.

You will not be okay.
I know, because he told me.
And you will never understand.

You think it's unfair.
I was attached for so long.

I used to feel bad for the mealy fruit, and eat it anyway, quickly.
My body would not know the difference.
But it did.

It is better to look away and throw them to the ground.

Cubits

I float on my back.
I sacrificed all of the deer for the grasses to grow on the shore.

The smell of the river disinfects my lungs and blows my mind.

There will be a tree for the healing of the nations
And the wolves will have lost my scent.

Roots point the way to the convergence -
the convergence at the cubit city
but I don't want the ride to end.

I want to keep going.

In through the yellow stones I imagine I will float,
and roll onto the sand.
Cold, yellow sand.

I will never see the wolves again.

Tombs

Some people think this is the wrong way to fix things
but they don't realize there's no other way.

Cords and glue
Statements in skulls and nails.
The battle starts in the mind,
and the Shot heard round the World cannot be taken back.

Golgotha hides a space full of thunder longing to be heard
But it has no tongue

The tombs in my mind rumble and old angers wake up
They flutter their false eyelashes at the closed eyes and ears beyond the doors.

My glue makes an ugly spectacle.
I stomp my foot and say,
"What's done is done!"
And count the number of my spectators.

Knotted cords draw the eye like nothing else.
Another spectacle -
the workings of the world on display:

Shout louder and they will listen.

The cogs in her mind match the wheels inside the earth.
It took longer for my skeletons to figure it out.
They are tired.

Their lashes fall to the ground
And leave my graveyard in peace.

Next to Normal

I flee from next to normal.
Off-kilter; it hates me.
I devastate homes and lives
I am not welcome on the playground or at the hotel;
When things are next to normal I am not invited.

Abnormal reaction
or Normal,
The colors still swirl when I hear a discouraging word
And I still see them as I run away.

The fog on the water is next to normal because it is usually not there.
It shapes light beams
which are shaped like voice bubbles
filled with caustic words.

Off-kilter words like upside-down pyramids which always fall on the same side in my tilted head
 - which is next to normal.

Next to normal
is like being beside oneself:
Two people on the merry-go-round who are
afraid and not afraid;
lonely and not lonely.

Next to normal is not normal.
Revisit the sick bed of the past, where your mind can lay for months.
Or make a show of visiting it for the first time.

And I am not invited,
normally.

I am afraid.

Regret

I found a book and it added a bar to the end of my year-long commitment.

The magazine on the table shut the door of the house of hopes and dreams where I used to live.

I have begun to grow trees from the bust of Pallas
right above my chamber door
In the house of never running away.

Of never getting away;
of never wanting to.

I know a Barbie who is trapped in a plastic bin in a basement.

I know one who is stronger and more flexible
With a tree growing from her heart
to puncture the lid.

And her tattoos are made of roots.

I know a mystery whose only prison is paper.
The trees pose for her and the road rises to meet her
as do her friends

My skin and tangled hair stand in front and behind;

Where am I to go?

Out-of-the-box thinking never left school.

I listen to your regrets and resent the world.
It is tiresome to hear about commitments and cars
And the unusual strength of those with no regrets.

Different

You have to drink coffee again with people who don't understand.

An empty communion,

A smile, a nod.

You have to go home,

Hold yourself

Send me caring words

and worry that something is very wrong.

They don't understand.

You grew up faster.

You have many birdcages

and you never share your secrets - 

only your feelings.

You will return to people like you -

Someday:

A certain kind of different.

Rot

Dashes, words, numbers
Boxes, Pushpins
Words
My gods

Pictures move and grasp my emotions
The words of others are a precipice I climb each day
And I listen to them.

The others are my envy
They bring me shame
They take minutes from my life

Moving pictures
My emotions
Moving pictures
My time

My appearance
My confidence
My talents
My worth.

Music

My God.

Those without riches will select a wood that will not rot.

Hatred is my God.
My God hurts me with rocks and hard places.
He deceives me with wood that will not rot.

My paper calendars fill the ground.
I exhume weeks and weeks of paper.
He lied.
He told me they would not smell.

Rumors of love, a secret weapon.

I want to look good for you.

Mermaid

I want to be a mermaid
Or a woman born of the water
who sings cryptically and vengefully to men who will not remember -
Who raises her arms to pull locusts into the deep

I am a woman with rabbits darkening her eyes and bringing her messages
Whose men serve her pancakes and do not remember.
I wear shoes when it rains.

But I will not divorce my friend
I will walk barefoot under an umbrella in the rain
The colors will gain courage and walk with us,
and maybe claw us like they are birds of prey.

I will dance better.
My bigger mistakes will go away,
And the locusts will not

cannot

follow us

On our street of sharp color.

Maintenance

Do not refuse.
Speak her language instead.
Unfulfilling sound is simple and beautiful to some ears.
It increases in beauty.

God bless you.
You are never enough.
Clean your eyes and be silent,
Lest you stumble.

You glare with your eyes.
Jealousy rises dangerously within you.

Find something new.
You're smarter than you look.
Avoid the gnarled branches of the law that have already marked you as unclean.

You are David.
When you dance, you defy expectations.
But the dances end
And sin always requires maintenance.

Hope for God's ignorance;

Clear eyes and a face which increases in beauty each day:
Perhaps these will work to patch your dancing clothes;
Dawn may dance with you another day.

Hemline

For once it is carved or cast to appear friendly or jovial
Like a friend known since childhood,
One who knows your secrets.

I think the mixed tea remembers my secrets.
English tea lacks its fearsome accuracy.
Tea in the morning brings the truth out of my dreams;
The steam spells out "I miss you."

Particularly moving
is that strange and different love which seems truer;
why?
Does the camera take it how I saw it?

I am face-to-face with a vision of sunshine and warmth,
And it looks true on a dark street inside of a heavy beat.

Does the ocean have enough of a beat for you,
Or will you wear your headphones as you step into it
And wake up?
(As your husband smokes a cigar)

That just won't do.
I couldn't handle it.
Light is shining into the darkness, and here is a dark place
Made brighter without you.

"My sickening lack of forgiveness makes me more like him than I would like."
Do you really not see?
We can never be allies.
I know how to dress myself.
And I do not need you.

Jokes

Dirty little secret girls
are dirty themselves.

I brush it off when I step into the light.

The child in my brain is really squirming.
The room is all wrong.
Details.
Details. (But details mean everything.)

You're funny,
just like everyone else.
I want to be funnier than you
But I'm not.

I'm a shadowed secret
in a dusty drawer.

I laugh when I hear your jokes.

The oil of joy will not arrive in my lifetime.
The oaks will not grow,
The fresh garments will not arrive for me.

I talk quickly so I cannot hear you speak.
It is hard to believe in new garments.

I want to be famous.

Borderline

I'm 100% nuts
I guess I like the ring of it
But now it's stuck in my head
And I can't get it out

It's stuck on me
And I like it
But it hurts
And I'm embarrassed

I'm just this big flamey newspapery thing,
Temporary in your consciousness
As you are in mine.

I have grown out of it,
Sometimes.

Doublethink is like two trees growing together.
I love you I hate you
Inseparable

A fence cannot exist without two sides,
And I am on both of them.

Busy

We should
But we never do

We never turn
Never decide
Never call
No happy shit

Apologies.

I don't want to always be the troubled one
But none of the rocks are sharp enough
And nobody's words are right enough
And I can't seem to grow up.

I have stopped praying for you

I don't want anyone to notice
Please notice.

It won't happen again,
But it will.

Bound to so many things
Am I bound to you?
Can we be unbound?

Business is not unlike the rocks
It is not sharp enough.

Ride

Ride with me
In the daylight
In the living daylight
Your shit is special to me

It matters.

You will feel free
And I will feel proud

Feel yourself breathe

It is never a good idea to troll the stream of loneliness

Come with me.
It is half-good
Ride a week with me.

Ride a long time.

Dance

We are not our friends
But we are friends

If you dance with me,
Will you marry me too?

Are you on the hunt?
I think maybe it's hereditary, the prowling
The stalking on the floor.

Or maybe self-fulfilling,
The flirtation,
The analysis,
The success under the ceiling fans.

Sharing makes us the same.
I am honored
And the world is about you, too.

Present Dilemma

Distraction is not a true solution
The doors are still open
The shutters wide open
The burners on

Foxes will find their way in
Termites
The back burner will burst on
They will demand attention

Fan the chaos
Snap your eyes to the matters at hand
Not understanding, but understanding it-
Not wanting it.

A standstill
A stare at the wall,
The wall which offers many thoughts;

Wanting it.

A good choice I am too weak to make
An excuse nobody will justify for me
I must provide my own affirmation.

Staring at the floor,
I announce the decision
which I pretend I did not make.

Ringing

An early late life
loves to ring into the future
A dampened noise
rings longest in my ear

The elephants on my ring understand
Severance deserves silence
Its circumference deserves to be marched
Contemplated

A detour from ignorance
Sit on the couch, on the grass
Does our field of vision have a shape?
Do our inner eyes have limits?

The soul can slow to the pace of the sky;
It can crawl llike the ants in the grass over its own experiences.
The choice to march around like the elephant
Heals like bright sunshine

Fabric

Tell me naughty things you want to do
This is really awesome
Anyone except yourself would sing along
I haven't met you yet

Pray, wash, study
Capitulate
Follow the pattern
I am cut from rare cloth

Tracing its pattern will show me there is a bolt of it,
Somewhere

Clashing is in style

Sunflowers

You hold a candle to the sun when it's not out,
But the sunflowers still won't turn.

People will.

They turn to look at me.

They live in dollhouses
and drive straight.
I don't notice;
They do.

Sunflowers.

I dreamed of sunflowers
Spiders and radiant light too
 - But not in a room of nightmares.

The moon drowns out the stars and pollutes the sky
But in a tunnel all I see is the ceiling.
I hold my breath and wait to see the pollution light up the haze once again.
A full moon looks flat

even in the white light dream of sunflowers
their turning heads

The dollhouses sleep through the sunrise
There are no heat signatures in the cemetery

except maybe me.

They don't make doll-sized headstones.
Dolls don't die.
There is no doll-sized death.

How far will a candle shine?
How far has its light traveled when I blow it out?

Will the sun notice when my candle stops burning?

The sun is cold.
It wants to warm its hands around the flame of a candle
and wrap itself in a blanket
and sleep to dreams of flowers.

Bell Jar

A bell jar encloses a perfect idea
An endless beach of untouched sand
A dog with a pitchfork and a flock of carrion birds wait outside
A humanless terrarium.

Oh, to get close

The boy crouches,
the birds crouch
He can find no approved allies
It will become a grave of his desires

Closed doors
No peace

But the sand.
The sand.

Run instead for the dangerous currents,
Jump into the sea.

The moon reflects against the glass
I have been sifted and I will not be saved.

Review

Feelings from the past
Dredge them up
Rebuke is half a victory
Bitterness is half a defeat

You can't choose your volunteers
They are number one
But they make me shout at fire
Please light the furnace with your breath.

Someday the moon will burn like the sun
And the carrion birds will arrive
But for now my  mind and heart wait without feeling
I learned this slowly

Give up what is advertised
Stop trying
Fabric sandbars separate me
But I suggest you resist the exit

Further back
Hug a pillow in the sunshine
Rainbows on my cat
Return to the womb

Building anger ignored
Naked barbies
Office sadness
I don't want to hug a pillow

My identity
Learn how to hang up
Dominate
Escape all identity

My purpose was to listen
A purpose-driven life.
Comforter
Down, All in All.

A good month for a bad month
An even trade hangs in the balance
A caravan to nowhere
To a beach of abandoned umbrellas

YZ

Get your gun
Because anything you can do
I can do better.

You thought the z's were y's.
You thought it was a labor of love.

Your aura is bright;
Does it shine through me?
Where do I stand?
Where are my impurities?

Locked out
The spare key was stuck inside from last time
I broke the window
Finally

A suspect endeavor for your better friend
Take no offense
You won't
I did, I will

It was cold outside

Locks

Talk is cheap
words are powerful
A penny for your thoughts
a thousand words for your photograph

Believe everything you hear,
review later
Suck up and lower your standards.

Just kidding.

The lock of saying no
locks on diaries
locks on safes
locks in hair
locks in canals
locks on doors

I hold the key to the lock on my will
It hangs aroung my neck
I can't give it away
I fidget

To unlock is to weaken
I am the cathedral's janitor
I hold the key ring
I hold the master key

continuously
moment by moment
decision, decison
some people don't need to lock their doors

I left my keys on the seat
the freedom of yes
the freedom of no
the danger of yes

open doors, closed doors

Is my heart covered in diamonds yet?
The body's many cries for water
oils upon oils
an alabaster jar

Boundaries
Rubber walls with nothing inside
Emergency kit with no cure
Stand right behind the line

I want to slam the door on dogs in the night
To draw a rough line with a red pencil
A circle around me
It's better to be away

Infinite Heart

Buy me a cake
Ask like you care
Try to understand
Your questions aren't stupid.

Neither were mine.

I will almost forgive you for your silence.
I will forget you.
After.
It will be as if you are forever
more silent.

After.
I will lower the standards of my visions.
I have
lowered the standards of my visions.
You may argue for the topping on my cake.

At least you bought it for me.
I will let you eat cake.

I will join hands with friends and strangers.
I will learn new methods.
One of them forgiveness,
One of them forgetfulness.

One of them Infinite Love.

I will be nice.
You will not be bitches in my memory.
Therefore you never have to stop.
Your Jewelery has taught me
That maybe you never were.

My social studies continue.
Add heat to new ideas
Say no to what feels wrong
Fake strands and real ones,

examine themall,
dread nothing.

Talk

The draw of a well-oiled machine
Manipulation goes both ways
Run upstairs chasing the correct puzzle piece
Cogs creak to life

Mutual excitement,
false confidence

Sighing fathers ruin progress

Forever fears confirmed.

Nobody's buying it
Even emotions are invalid
Inflating, glorifying
always the hero

New audience enjoys playing therapist
Patient finds new chance to impress
Misplaced pride, misplaced anger
Is this the same as being friends?

The Method
Say what he wants to hear
He will feel understood
like never before

The idea of Progress.
The idea of Understanding what others don't.
Fairness does not come into play
He already has a homeboy

Does the street go two ways?
On one side there is a padded cell blocking the path
And a "Boy's Room"
He only thinks - but maybe not.

Bored of empty threats
Picture the bumble bee so it does not come to life

Pick on someone your own size.
You have no wool to pull over our eyes.

I listen to pointy fingernails, fat men and balding heads
Watch shaking hands
Observe self-destruction
and see grafitti on the heart

Salmon

Elders are not always necessary for rebuke
consensus of the surprising
surprises
"Don't do that to yourself"
please

Seek opinions
Find wisdom in multiple replies
The slope of self-respec is easy
"Unique" lies to me

My parents could drag me up the waterfall
But sometimes fish act on their own behalf

Of honest jobs,
More honest money can be made.

But what will I do?
Count on everything
Oxbows, twists
Count on never really knowing,
count on walking the distance.

Teeth

Transparency and hair made me want to cry
My teeth will fall out if my legs are not long enough
Can hair change my identity?
I worry that it can.

I worry that they think it can.

Sudden addiction,
 - an unresolved conflict
Standards lower into the shade in desperate fear of indiscernable loss

A test
Will I chain a free spirit
For the pleasure of others?
To cut the rope short risks loose teeth

The fear is of weakness.
To be shorn is to be powerless.
A woman's hair is her glory

There is strength in weakness
Yet I am anxious to cut it

Wait on the line between pride and shame
REach for the lock,
Crush it with strong teeth.

Glamorous

I'm scared of how proud I am of you
Enemies to friends
A desk
A pose

From kill and mock to drive and call
denied
hard to remember
Unexpected

Pave the way
scurry after
Word of mouth
Shower you with glitter

Glittering generalities on both sides
Badass, Hipster
just words
Is there more?

You are shiny
So is your jacket
To discover your flaws could crush us
Perhaps your flaw is your glory

Your style
One of the guys, then
 - Letting your hair down
Glamorous

Enough

A cheeseburger was enough.
Okay, I say.
Red dress
Cinderella, a beautiful girl.

Two flavors of ice cream,
Two movies,
Two hands.
The beginning, the end.

Knock on the cieling,
Knock on the door.
Not the end.
But it was, it is.

Glue the fabric to a board -
It cannot be changed.
Write it down, turn the page.
There were no pictures.

Stone wall
Don't call
Don't break hearts
I hope I didn't

Stone background,
I look at you in my head

Unless it makes you happy,
don't look at me
with the background of sky

Climbing tree
Following me
No regrets for me

Yet

Small

They saw the darkness
I didn't, I couldn't.
Unclean
Dangerous
I deserved it

Questions became judgmentcalls
Pixels spread like plague
Visions stood for nothing
Victories were forgotten

They saw the stare falling
They caught it and pinched the flame
No allies came forward
Scandal grew with pleasure

Guilty conscience
Straight face
Too many phone calls
Perfection a vice

Wrong side of the brush
Wrong side of the binoculars
Wrong side of the brain loss
not mine

their loss
my perfection

small park
smaill job
smaill people

I did not cry over the phone

with a soul
I am bigger

Velveteen Rabbit

Velveteen Rabbit,
Scarlet fever is gone,
but children still neet comforting
And I will never throw you away.

You don't need a garden fairy to make you real -
I will be your fairy.
And you are mine.
You make me a little girl

You are my good friend
You are my loud musid
You are my parents' hugs
when those just aren't enough

Like a missed bank trip
you miss me when I don't you
I root for you in the dusty closet
Remembered, you light up for me

Pushed to the sock grave
your understanding is unconditional
I will love you
You will love me

We will fall asleep

We will have each other

We won't need anything else

Pity Friend

Hedgehog digs through warm wet ground
Finds a foundation
It looks different

Before it was buried the light was wrong.

The temple of difference stands in spate of distaste
but its doors are open
It cannot keep the lions out

I had joined the lions
All is forgiven
In the temple of difference.
We have found it again,

hedgehog and I.

Square

Gold screen, velvet benches
Confess it all
Double agent, don't tell it all
Keep the peace

Leather couch, itching ears
Affirm the desires of my itching ears
I will affirm my itching ears
Excited for the big leather couch

It is time to return
Cut one ribbon
What do they know?
Must I choose?

Does the music fulfill?
"You are better than anything I have tasted"
Yet I eat little
A starving soul

Two voices, different motives
They hold the scissors
They actually know a lot
They will always hold the scissors.

But I, I can rip things
It's hip to be a square
I'll rip whatever shape I want

Pious, serve the gate
No climbing the gate
No shaking the gate
Walk away from the gate

 - and everything is better

The gate depends on them
I'll be long past due when it opens

Yell through the gold screen, the velvet cushion, the leather pillows -
They are all rectangles
Serve God an dnot man
It's time to return

Barbie

Barbie Danielle
an accident waiting to happen
Indestructable Blonde
"maybe they'll think I'm not real."

"maybe they'll think I'm an angel
flawless, unshakable, effervescent
the life of the party
untouchable"

Wooden prototype
Moving joints
To give it a face is to give it a soul

Never throw away the prototype.

Pink lipstick
Pink trenchcoat
Plastic
Cellulose in the closet

It is her
Take off the pink
Abandon the crowd, the party, the squeaky plastic
the face given her


She will make her own face

Reliance

Glass-covered coffee table
painted with Dancers
and one word:
"Reliance"

the many stars in the sky
a romantic vision
an emotionalized lie
No matter

Dancing with friends
Darkness covers faults
They came miles to dance with us
We laugh in the perfect night

Dancing signifies the end of tears
Surrounded by God
Not party dresses,
not even postcards

A light with my eyes closed in a dark, dirty basement
alone, but not
"I wish I could dance as passionately as you,"
he says in my ear
I shout back my secret
over the killer beat

Dancing for God is the only way I can
Other people
need other people
at parties.
But if God's not there I can't dance

In Between

Life flashing before death
Series of pictures
Series of pictures
Scrapbook of chosen moments
Condensation on a windshield

He didn't have to lose her to find he loved her
Moments missing from the montage
His daughter is too big to fit in the cliffnotes of their life
The condensation doesn't tell it right

But it condenses in my eyes

The moments in between
caused the love
Before death
They will see the pictures

Stylist

I believe in good therapists and good stylists
But the clients are the "angels in disguise"
Life changes
Life stories
Split decisions
Challenges

The difficult ones deserve the best
They touch my life
I hate it
That's why I love it

Reading facial expressions
feeling atmospheres change
therapist, hairdresser
classmate

to give up is better than it sounds
stronger than it sounds
to be rejected means they don't deserve me
they're not on my level

not even close

"I'm not getting paid for this"
"My back hurts, I'm so tired"
"My client's a bitch"
I'm not on their level

not even close

Jealousy of the other side
stuck in between
the intellecturals aren't on my level either

not even close

Levels
Value
To be Liked or Not

Sharing self
Separating self
Rising Above
the dispensary gossive

Shampoo your own dang clients
They'll come back
One way or another
Perhaps to haunt

Learn from them
Angels, demons
No difference in this business
Therapist, Stylist

Pond

Truth lifts weight
on the highway with a friend
Just because I thought it
doesn't mean it has to be.

A good scene
A good blog
Pond, path, motorcycle, goodby
Always words unsaid

Not sure which ones

Hypotheticals,
you are beautiful.

I could jump in
Emerge a different color
I could marry someone

You couldn't
You wouldn't jump in either

I dive too deep
I read too deep
On the way I lose my innocence
I cry in my car

You watch the surface
You hate this place
But you never leave

You look away
I surface
I sink

I surface again
You are watching
I sink

Just because I thought it was forever
Doesn't mean it has to be
On the highway with a friend
Not crying

The truth lifts weight

The Notebook

Plywood, letters, phone calls, baseball cap
Red wedding, road trips, hopes up
Nikon, excuses, fireworks, big talk
Parking lot, cemetery

Workaholics, quitters

I love beards
I don't talk big
I put a letter on your car
You saved it

Dim or dark
Never bright
Brilliant
Brainiacs, us

Too busy, always
the excuse

Leave room for Jesus

It is always an answer to hear your voice
We are of the same mind
The journey.
The ghosts.

Whiteboard, cursive, useless flirtations
nothing is too much
nothing out of bounds
that's why we walk to gether, apart

always distant
always dim
hopeless romantic
sinkng feeling
on delayed repeat

voice of reason
voice of opinion
voice of change
silly, stupid voice
doesn't want to say anything wrong

and never does

everything is kind of a joke
your profundity surprises me
and you

your anarchy ignites mine
and blinds me to what is right

My respect for you falls.
It rises.

I am glad for my moment of desperation.
I blamed it on a mood swing.
You told me I was swinging up
And that you were glad too.

Always forgiven
"Lifelong friends"
agreed long ago
I didn't realize then
how serious the pact.

Boyscout

asshole, boyscout
ropes from the hardware store
laughs in the face of prayers
forms different plans

spider
waiting
caring or not
not breaking a heart
biting instead
winding, silent, passive
sixteen closed eyes

but the power to wind was given to him by me
lies readily accepted from another
sugary and bright

psychologist; he reads journals
somehow
not all-powerful
but powerful enough

the asshole

I hate my friends
don't want to delete insecurity
paradox
delete them for a while

sleep on it
they'll be there when I wake up
the spider won't
he never was

Red Gloves

I want my gloves back
I'm never coming back

You're wrong.

Life in my hands,
really in theirs
public place,
your place.

stupid.

I'm busy.
Be good.
This is it.

people talk, I smile
can't stop now
they're holding too tight

"I'm for you," she says
I am consumed.

I don't owe
Yet I am obligated
Indifferent

Blame it on the crazy

"This is an addiction," she says,
"Which I do not support."

Fine.
No secrets.

Doctor says to dad,
"Dad, danger."

Fast bloom, first frost.

Pink

Pink has stolen my soul.
Both times; empty, whole.
the texture of the stumbling block
the color of the cornerstone.

Pink from printers
Pink from heaven
Son of man
Walked with the pink

They bled from ancient paper cuts
He bound them.
A whiteout.
The old red, the new white.

Pink satin pants give me away.
I am beheaded.
If they mix my blood with white
I will be discovered again.

People stare
As they should
It is a color that is not easily hidden.
Empty, Whole

River Girl

Reading.
A novel beauty.
Sweet rest from noise

Loved like Job
everyone knows
but no one knows her soul

Pitied
We do the best we can.
She is the sole understander,
the only qualified storyteller.

Bad surprise on a good day.
Did he tell her to forget so she wouldn't be sad?

An infinite ravine has opened.

Anything
rebuild the broken bridge.

But a wall,
break it.

It is impossible.
A river runs through the ravine.
To fall is to be lost.

There is another river.
There are waters in your soul.
Free them.
Join the river.

Your words will not destroy.
Jump in,
be free.
Fear not.
Tears only make the water sweeter.

City

I enter the city.
It welcomes me.
It smiles upon me.
It clothes me with vines.

They are lovely, twisted vines
nets of rage, confusion and skin
nets of shiny

Shiny vines hold no water.

The twisty vines have found my heart,
blown my mind.

I am ecucated.
Sophisticated.

I itch to be an icon
to be a paper doll
whose smile is always real
and who never tires of standing

I itch for more vines.

Encrust them with jewels!
Bind them tighter around my heart!
Hunger is not a sin.

Men will climb the vines around my heart.
They will find poison inside.

Confession burns
Repentence frightens

Someone drain the poison
Someone burn the vines,
melt the shiny

I itch.

The itch does not come in seven years
it comes in seven days
in seven minutes
in seven heartbeats.

It comes as the trumpets blast
and the men shout.

I am freed

But if my heart still beats with the city,
Will it fall with the city?

Marsh Creek Monster

Monster of the Lake,
come out.

you know its bottom;
secure him there.

you know its stones;
let him hold them.

monster, monster,
come out of my dreams
I think of me
when I think of you

Grab my feet, surprise
pull me down
pull me away
I will find that I am not afraid

you know the currents and the tides;
sweep him away.

soul of mine,
listen to the lake; it knows
let it take you home

don't be afraid if the monster comes.
it comes first for him,

then to take you home.

Brief Letter

red flag, fiancee
gasoline, silly lights
clean your car
your baby car

your gaze, singular
freezing, another moment
freeing, you trickster
deliberate, fleeting

more, more
friendless, we were
alone
fairy tale

oh, to send a letter
to clean a different car
to be a lady.
temper, temper.  even so.

no regret.
then, regret
your children
to the seventh generation.

Golden

mom would sit this way
what's wrong with me?
I am very much here.
and I am nothing like my warriors.

sent to protect
powerless without orders
invisible in the tepid room
angry, helpless

I choose death for a day
choose power
find weakness
but I choose it

hundreds watching waiting
knowing dreading
they guard me as I choose
their gold armor

grasping at straws
spin to gold, spin to gold
please, please, no, no
rumplestiltskin
you idiot

Not Swimming

In the water
not swimming
kiss of death
life is dimming


drained, manic
euphoric, bound
I am a secret
closed doors, no sound

never tell your friends, your father
clinging to feverish dreams
tying waters together
your water is dry

picture mixup
drive home, sad light
electrocution
throw you in my water

not swimming