Next to Normal

I flee from next to normal.
Off-kilter; it hates me.
I devastate homes and lives
I am not welcome on the playground or at the hotel;
When things are next to normal I am not invited.

Abnormal reaction
or Normal,
The colors still swirl when I hear a discouraging word
And I still see them as I run away.

The fog on the water is next to normal because it is usually not there.
It shapes light beams
which are shaped like voice bubbles
filled with caustic words.

Off-kilter words like upside-down pyramids which always fall on the same side in my tilted head
 - which is next to normal.

Next to normal
is like being beside oneself:
Two people on the merry-go-round who are
afraid and not afraid;
lonely and not lonely.

Next to normal is not normal.
Revisit the sick bed of the past, where your mind can lay for months.
Or make a show of visiting it for the first time.

And I am not invited,
normally.

I am afraid.