Funeral

 My dear,

I can't even have a funeral for you - 

    a day where everyone says nice things

    and where people offer sympathy

    and say

        "this must be so hard for you"

          or

        "anything we can do"

    and where I can bury you

                and grieve you

                and move on.

Instead, people say things like

        "this might not be the hardest thing that ever happens to you"

           and

          "I've been through hard things, too"

And I have to - get to?

      see you every so often

       so that I can never quite move on.

I failed you and blessed you in one single action

I lazily surrendered the life I gave you

        to someone else

        who will never understand what they took from me.

Much love xoxo