A Memorial to the Date that Crashed and Burned

 To The Date, that crashed and burned over the course of a week

And also shamelessly wasted my time:

My dad wants me to meet a nice boy at church.

    He prays for it actually.

And instead, I met you.

It could really only go one of two ways

And so it is that I avoid you now

Every Sunday morning.

        Which requires much more skill

        Much more shameless espionage skill

        Than you might imagine.

I will never know what made up your mind about me

Mostly because I will never ask you,

Because I value the opinions of my close friends

    Of which you are most certainly not one.

I do think about it from time to time

    Perhaps more than I'd like to admit

        I think I laughed too loudly

        Drank too much

        Told you scary things about myself

        Texted too often.

Or maybe you think Jesus told you not to date me

Which means I really dodged a bullet

Because Jesus would never say that to anyone.

I don't enjoy rejection

Not any more than the next person, I guess

It makes me feel better about that to call you an asshat

(Jury's still out on if you actually are)

Maybe you're salty that I didn't get drunk enough to go home with you

Or that when we got back to my car, I didn't invite you in

In which case I Really dodged a bullet

99% of me knows for certain you don't know what you're missing

And the other percent knows that you don't deserve it.

And I'm always right.